How to Blag Your Way into a Foodie Conversation

Talk about these foods extensively. They're SO now.

Pulled pork (You didn't even know what it was ten minutes ago. But it just sounds so... hip)

Fried chicken (EVERYON'E'S doing it. It's so like, simple it's like, genius. I can't believe no-one thought it it before. Well, except KFC)

Burgers (BECAUSE EVERYONE LIKES BURGERS ALL THE TIME)

Lobster (It's the new smoked salmon)

Fennel (It's a real novelty not to see it on a menu)

Negroni (Yes, you're very cool, along with half of the rest of London. Well done)

Use these phrases liberally:

'I had that in Sicily / Ardennes  / New York (delete as applicable). It was better there.' (people are always impressed by both travel and snobbery)

'Oh, didn't you go to the soft launch? Yeh, I did. Oh, it was in 1986? I just er, look really good for my age.' (you may need to keep your phone handy for important research).

'Can I make a few changes to my dish?' (you're so good at food, you know more than the chefs. They won't be annoyed you're undermining their judgement. If they get visibly arsey, pretend you have allergies).

Adopt at last two quirks you can pull out regularly:

Carry a pair of chopsticks around with you at all times

Have regular meetings with your 'mixologist'

Abbreviate everything when you can - 'dogs, 'slaw, mac'n'cheese...

Carry round around your cooking bible and read everywhere.

Every meal you have will have a running commentary.

The more you can make your descriptions like a porno, the better.

Post photographs on facebook of you in farmers' markets, whole foods and check in EVERYWHERE you eat with a pre-determined in-joke with the restaurateur (having met them is not necessary).

Oh, and you MUST have at least half-an-hour's spiel prepared on no-bookings policy, your ten favourite burgers in London (in order of when they each opened) and know the full names of at LEAST twenty restaurant owners.

Finally, from @rob_hyde:

Disagree with whatever is being said about a place, it means you have something different to say, at the very least. If your friend said they loved it, sadly recount an occasion when you went and the chef came out and beat someone to death with his bare hands in front of you all (and the soup was, sadly, cold) If they hated it: well, when you were in recently (admittedly it was a preview night where they were doing Swedish food) a few people openly cried while they were eating, so transcendental was the experience.

A point of contention makes your experience (and ultimately you) more interesting.