Thursday, 25 April 2013

What your favourite restaurant says about you

From Tripadvisor
'Where men with no future go to meet women with a past'.
You actually live in Putney or Wandsworth but would love to live in Fulham or Chelsea.
Sloaney hungover, hoping to bump into Hugh Grant or a cast member form Made in Chelsea. You eat eggs royale wearing sunglasses & uggs, your pals Henry and Annabel are late, but such a scream.
Your idea of edgy decor is a hot pink chesterfield sofa from The Conran Shop South Ken.
You still think Notting Hill is cutting Edge. You own (and use) a sailing jacket.
Cool is James Dean, or what people in East London do. Relaxed is rolling up the sleeves of your Emmett shirt and wearing commando soled deck shoes. Your idea of a trendy restaurant is a square plate, and edgy means a burger served on a wooden board. You're an events manager or have a sort-of-job in PR, or are just about to launch a new whisky company using your chum's estate in Scotland and blow your family inheritance.
Your parents live in Beaulieu, and are a little bit tired of supporting you (seeing as you're nearly 30). Could also be: Big Easy Crab Shack

From Travel with Wingz
Your TV production company has just landed a new ad for an online comparison company . You might also work in fashion, or digital strategy.
You dress in Joseph or A.P.C . You have lunch because dinner is spent at your gravel drive and labrador home in the Home Counties, where you've just renovated a barn and turned it into a recording studio.
Your hair is expensive blonde. You own a chair designed by Robert Eames. You have a Liberty Storecard.
You holiday in a house in Burgundy or Florence.
Could also be: Bob Bob Ricard, Bocca Di Lupo
From Londontastin

Story Deli
You look like you're off to an Ernest Hemmingway convention. You live in a concrete floored ex dressing-gown factory near Arnold Circus and still wear one of the dressing gowns you found when you moved in.
Your bicycle is a restored Whitcomb or period Bianchi with pre-cable derallieurs. You wear Redwing boots.
Your lipstick is blood red. Your sunglasses are bought at auction and come from from a Jean-Paul Goude Grace Jones shoot in 1981.
Your favourite film is 'Man Bites Dog'. You and your partner are about to get married with a non-religious service held ironically in the disused synagogue in Brick Lane, your friend at Weiden + Kennedy is creating bespoke invitations. You like sourcing 60s furniture and lighting.

From Timeout
You just love a big brassy room, ooh look is that Stephen Fry?
You eat out 6.5 days a week. You live in Zone 1. You mention food critics by their first names, although you've never met any. You tweet a lot. You're a member of at least 3 Soho clubs, and 2 Mayfair ones. You have summer and winter brogues. You may or may not be gay. You wear cashmere from N. Peal and your favourite designer is Tom Ford. You don't drive. You get black cabs everywhere, but also love the bus. You rarely dine in a party of less than four. You read Vogue, Monocle and the FT weekend while watching Britain's Got Talent. You're second row at fashion week. You want an Hermès Birkin bag.
Could also be: The Delaunay, obviously.

From Yum Bun
Yum Bun
You're an Indie militant. You hate the idea of chains, corporates, or anything big, slick and established. Food is rock n roll, restaurants are bands, chefs are DJs and you're not into Simon Cowell. You drink craft beer but hate the term 'craft beer', constantly bemoaning its popularity and how the big breweries are passing off any old crap as 'artisan'. You stick it to the man at the latest food festivals, drooling over one-off specials, tweeting and blogging your finds.
You wear Birkenstocks. You bring your kids along in French fisherman striped blue T-shirts, skinny kid chinos, Vans and a designer buggy. You ride a single speed bike to work.
Either live in Peckham or Stoke Newington. You work as an account exec in a media agency. You know a lot about valve amplifiers.
Girls: You dress in vintage frocks and lean towards 50s throwback.
Guys: You have a beard and a creeping beer belly. You listen to blues records on vinyl.
Could also be: Anywhere at a food festival.

From Standard
Bubbledogs KT
You often dine alone, or with other equally serious foodies. For you, menus are journeys where you will discover your inner self. Food is not sustinence, but a gateway to enlightenment.
Foodie scenester tourist of the most serious kind. Damn right you have a food blog, and you'd use the SLR with the tripod and flashguns without a hint of shame. You could trump any dining story with your tales of undiscovered sashimi bars hidden in lavatories in Tokyo brothels run by child monks who slice scallops rizla thin before they can walk. You write about 'mouthfeel' without a hint of sarcasm.
Your favourite computer game is Tetris.
You're not hip. Food is not fashion.
Could also be in: A Ben Spalding pop-up. Something by Simon Rogan. The Clove Club (for letting your hair down).

From Coq d'Argent
 Any D&D restaurant
Deal chasing day trippers from Guildford
You're a couple with shopping bags from Westfield, Her: Mulberry bag, Michael Kors watch, beauty treatments. him: possibly struggling to hang on to mod casual roots with something from Barracuta with the collar button done up. You own a Barbour paddock jacket.
You go on holiday to Thailand or shopping in Dubai. You buy anniversary gifts in Tiffany.
You've got an Audi on finance and are getting an extension done to your smart 3 bed semi with faux leaded windows. You like a ramekin, and drink Moët & Chandon (pronounced 'moay').
Could also be: Jamie's Italian


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