Customers making jokes is great for waiters and waitresses because it means they are enjoying themselves, hopefully. There’s usually only one criteria for them: they have to be really bad. You can find my blog about being a bad customer here.
Sometimes customers come into the restaurant and say something so inappropriate that I don’t know whether to laugh, blush or run away, such as these gems:
1. [Enquiring about the provenance of sole on the menu] "Hmm… tell me - are these our soles?"
2. In a chinese restaurant: "I'll have the cream of sum yun gai" (from the movie Wayne's World)
3. "Would you like to try the pork in wine, Sir?" "No thank you, my wife prefers pork in cider" (Classic Fast Show)
Really, who doesn’t love a good fish/meat pun?
4. In fish restaurants: "I come here occasionally, just for the 'alibut"
5. "I like venison, but I find it a little deer"
6. "This place is famous for poultry, but I've heard the duck's not all it's quacked up to be"
7. “Don't have the pheasant, it's fowl"
Then there are those who make jokes that have dad written all over them and you have to laugh because they are just so bad. You know they’re bad, but you smile, despite yourself.
8. "Would you like to see the specials sir?" "No thanks, I never really liked Ska"
9. "Is everything ok with your meal sir?" "Well yes... but the salad's a bit cold"
10. When the waiter is having difficulty splitting the bill on the spot: "You shouldn't have problems with that, you know your tables!"