Wednesday, 25 July 2012

How Cool Is Your Burger?





Are you worried your burger is not really happening right now? What if the burger you're eating is a bit 'last week'? Imagine if you sat down in your latest burger hotspot, only to find you've been duped, and you're actually sitting in a chain restaurant, thinly disguised as the latest thing, complete with tattooed staff, factory lighting and retro packaging?

Do not fear, my handy quiz will make sure you know exactly where you are on the burger cool scale.



1. Did you hear about your burger 

a/ On the specials board at your local Geronimo pub?

b/ In ES mag top ten burger list?

c/ On twitter, RT'd by Chris Pople?


2. Are you eating it

a/ In a restaurant staffed by Australians?

b/ In a 2 day residency pop-up at a trendy pub?

c/ Near an old caravan at the side of the road after being anonymously tipped off?


3. Is the bun

a/ A  supermarket bap?

b/ A poppyseed bun?

c/ A light Normandy butter brioche artisan bun, baked by hand, in-house, that morning?


4. Is the patty

a/ 100% ground beef?

b/ Home ground selected cuts, hand sourced from local suppliers?

c/ Fucking meat, man, cooked bloody. Eat it and feel your southern roots, cowboy!


4. Is it served

a/ On a plate, with a galvanised steel bucket of chips?

b/ In an ironic mass-produced takeaway style brown cardboard box, with the (still independent and proud) logo on the front?

c/ On the back of a naked stripper?


5. In it, is there

a/ A selection of salad, cheese and ketchup?

b/ Pulled pork, 'slaw', & your own selection of cheese (you went for American, to be authentic)?

c/ Maybe some vodka pickled jalepenos, half a bottle of tabasco, some cocaine?


6. To wash it down, you drank

a/ A glass of Pinot Grigio.

b/ A bottle of American craft beer.

c/ Neat bourbon.



7. Did you pay?

a/ You got it discounted at a 2 for one lunch deal from Bookatable.

b/ Of course, for you and your hipster date!

c/ Did you fuck.



RESULTS



Mostly As:

Your burger is a burger loser, a patty square about as cool as Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Go to Gourmet Burger Kitchen.

Mostly Bs

Your burger is a burger wannabe. A blatant ligger, a groupie. It thinks it knows what's happening but it's a long way til the front of the queue. Stick to Byron.

Mostly Cs

Congratulations! You've got 100% fully qualified bad-ass Burger elite. You've probably just got back from New York, where you ate secret off the menu shit that would make Burgerac weep. I won't even tell you where to go, as it's still a concept in the mind of someone way cooler than me.





















5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha ha. Love it. Think it's a sign of how far London is ahead of Cardiff when there's barely any burger joints here which would fall into category B let alone category C.

    ReplyDelete
  3. you repeated Number 4. although they're the funniest :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello to everyone out here, I am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me … My name is Susan Christian , I live in London, UK. we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do, i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Emu for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 24 hours my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr Emu casted on him that make him come back to me today, me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Emu for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Emu , if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: emutemple@gmail.com or you can contact him through his website https://emutemple.wordpress.com/ fb page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Foodies100 Index of UK Food Blogs
Morphy Richards